Have you ever found yourself avoiding something for reasons you can’t quite explain? Maybe you break into a cold sweat thinking about money, relationships, or taking risks—but when you really examine it, you realize you’ve never actually had a bad experience with these things yourself.
If this sounds familiar, you might be carrying around fears that aren’t even yours.
The Fear We Never Asked For
Here’s something most of us don’t realize: we inherit more than just our parents’ eye color and stubborn streak. We also pick up their unresolved fears, anxieties, and limiting beliefs—often without anyone realizing it’s happening.
Think about it. Your mom might have grown up during tough financial times, developing a deep-seated fear about money that she never fully processed. Even if she never explicitly told you “money is scary,” you absorbed that energy. You watched her stress over bills, heard the worry in her voice when discussing finances, and felt the tension that money brought to your household.
Now, years later, you find yourself paralyzed by financial decisions or avoiding opportunities that could improve your situation—not because of your own experiences, but because you’re living out her unresolved story.
It’s Not Your Story to Carry
The tricky thing about inherited fears is that they feel completely real to us. Our bodies respond as if these fears are based on our own lived experiences. But when we dig deeper, we often discover a disconnect: the fear is intense, but our personal history doesn’t justify it.
This realization can be both liberating and overwhelming. On one hand, it explains so much about why certain things feel impossibly difficult. On the other hand, it means we’ve been letting someone else’s story dictate our choices.
Your parents weren’t trying to burden you—they were doing their best to protect you with the tools and awareness they had at the time. But protection that made sense in their world might be holding you back in yours.
A Simple Practice for Letting Go
Ready to give these fears back where they belong? Here’s a gentle visualization that can help you create some space between you and inherited fears:
Find a quiet moment and close your eyes. Imagine sitting in a peaceful space—maybe your childhood bedroom, a garden, or anywhere that feels safe and sacred to you.
Invite your parent to join you in this space. This can be the parent whose fear you’re carrying, whether they’re still alive or have passed away. Picture them sitting across from you, and notice that you’re both surrounded by love and understanding.
Speak your truth to them. You might say something like: “I love you, and I know you were trying to protect me. But this fear about [money/relationships/success/etc.] belongs to your story, not mine. I’m ready to write my own story now, and I won’t be carrying this fear forward anymore.”
Listen for their response. You might be surprised by what comes up. Many people find that their parent’s spirit responds with relief, pride, or even gratitude that their child is brave enough to break the cycle.
Breaking the Chain for Future Generations
Here’s the beautiful part: when you do this work, you’re not just freeing yourself. You’re also weakening these fear patterns for your children, grandchildren, and anyone else in your sphere of influence.
Some of us will tackle this inner work before we become parents ourselves. Others might find themselves doing this healing even as our own kids are becoming adults. The timing doesn’t matter—what matters is that we’re willing to do the work.
Every fear pattern we resolve, every limiting belief we release, every cycle we break makes it easier for the next generation to live freely.
Your Fear Inventory
Take a moment to consider: What fears are you carrying that might not actually be yours? What stories about money, love, success, or safety are you living out that were handed down rather than earned through your own experience?
You don’t have to figure this out all at once. Start with whatever feels most present in your life right now. Notice where you feel stuck or scared without a clear reason why.
Remember: it’s never too late to reclaim your story. The fears that have been passed down to you don’t have to be passed down through you.
What inherited patterns are you ready to release? Sometimes just naming them out loud is the first step toward freedom.
