You might have felt the chill during an argument with your partner when your attempts to communicate are met with silence. Perhaps your partner responds with brief, emotionless answers while avoiding eye contact. Stonewalling is this act of emotional withdrawal and refusal to communicate, which can leave you feeling isolated even when your partner is physically present.
Stonewalling behaviors can vary, but common forms include:
- Refusing to answer questions or engage meaningfully in a discussion
- Shutting down emotionally and ignoring attempts to converse
- Physically turning away or leaving the room without explanation
- Giving short, one-word responses like “sure” or “fine”
- Turning out by staring into space or at a phone/TV screen
While stonewallers may claim they want to avoid an argument, stonewalling typically makes disagreements worse. Without communication, conflicts remain unresolved, and emotions become bottled up.
Why Do Partners Stonewall?
There are several common reasons behind stonewalling, including:
- Avoiding uncomfortable conversations or confrontations
- Feeling emotionally overwhelmed or flooded
- Reacting defensively due to childhood trauma
- Manipulating or intentionally hurting the other partner as a form of emotional abuse
For some, stonewalling is an unconscious defense mechanism when they feel attacked. For others, it can be a form of passive aggression or punishment. Regardless of the reason, stonewalling undermines trust and intimacy in relationships.
