A BE DO FEEL GOOD post
Have you ever watched a child discover a butterfly?
No agenda, no photo, just wonder. Now picture that same child twenty years later, walking past a thousand butterflies while answering emails.
Something happened. In my book, I call it being distroverted: turned away from the simple truth of love and connection. And it doesn’t happen only to individuals. It happens in marriages, workplaces, neighborhoods, and between nations.
We worry about the wars in the world, and rightly so. But many of us are also living through quieter wars: at home, at work, and inside ourselves.
The Wars We Don’t See on the News
Between parents and children. Between partners. With a boss, a coworker, a client. These conflicts are small in scale, but they repeat every day. And most of them start in the same place: inside us.
Larger conflicts have political, economic, and historical causes that no single person can fix. But societies are made of people. And it’s hard to build peace around us when we don’t have it within.
Responsibility, Not Blame
It’s tempting to look for someone to blame. But blame keeps us stuck. Responsibility gives us back our power. We can’t control the world, but we can choose how we respond today: at home, at work, in traffic, at a neighbor’s door.
We Talked About Love for Decades. Why Do We Feel So Alone?
We’ve heard about peace and love for generations, in books, songs, and speeches. And yet we seem more disconnected than ever.
We scroll past suffering. We know a neighbor lives alone and never knock. We share spaces without sharing ourselves. Love stayed in our words, and too rarely made it into our actions.
What Positive Psychology Tells Us
Research on wellbeing points to something simple: relationships are what help us flourish.
- Connection protects our health. The Harvard Study of Adult Development, which has followed people for over 80 years, found that the quality of our close relationships is one of the strongest predictors of a long, healthy, happy life.
- Love lives in small moments. Psychologist Barbara Fredrickson describes love as a series of micro-moments of connection: a shared smile, a real conversation, a look that says I see you.
- Gratitude brings us closer. Noticing and thanking others strengthens bonds and lifts mood, for both giver and receiver.
Love isn’t only a feeling. It’s a practice, and like any practice, it can be trained.
Undistroverting: Finding Our Way Back
The pattern repeats at every scale. Two people fall in love and truly see each other. Five years later they sit at the same table, scrolling separate feeds. A neighborhood once full of open doors becomes a row of closed garages.
The way back isn’t complicated. It’s simple, which is exactly why we overlook it. In my book, I call this undistrovertion: returning to presence, to wonder, to each other. It starts small:
- One real conversation today
- One intentional touch tomorrow
- One moment of being fully here instead of everywhere
Love Is Not a Solo Journey
Inner work matters, but it’s only half the path. Love also lives in community. No one builds peace alone. Four words belong together:
- Peace, which starts within.
- Love, which is proven by action.
- Union, because no one heals alone.
- Respect, because without it the rest cannot survive.
A Simple Practice for Everyday Peace
Next time tension rises, try this:
- Breathe. One slow, deep breath before you respond.
- Notice. Ask yourself, “What am I feeling right now?”
- Get curious. “What might they be feeling underneath their words?”
- Offer understanding. “I can see this really matters to you.”
- Reach out. Say thank you. Say sorry first. Knock on a door.
The Body Remembers
Our inner wars don’t stay in our heads. They settle in our shoulders, our jaw, our breath. When we’re tense, defensive, or exhausted, it’s much harder to be kind.
But the body also responds to care. An attentive, caring touch tells the nervous system: you’re safe, you can soften. We forget connection in our minds long before our bodies do, and care, presence, and touch can help the body remember what safety feels like. Many people notice that when their body relaxes, patience returns, and so does their ability to connect.
That is the heart of my work, where love is the gentle “tweak” to the system. When we feel cared for, we’re more able to care for others.
If you’d like to experience this, you’re welcome to get in touch.
Reflect
Think of someone close to you who may be carrying a silent weight. What small act of love could you offer them this week?
And what could you offer yourself?
If this post spoke to you…
These ideas run through my book, The Unfound Book of the Lost: A Guide to Undistrovertion and Wild Reclamation, available on Amazon Kindle. 📖 Get it on Amazon →
Be Good. Do Good. Feel Good.
